The Carolers Part 4 of 4

“How can he persuade these people to poison themselves?” “Here Robert here’s my badge!” “Andrew what are you doing? Are you quitting?”“I’m going ahead and getting the formalities out the way. I can’t be a law enforce, if I want to catch Kris Kringle I got to be insane to catch the insane.”Agent Andrew Johnson walks in the barely standing precinct and walks out with a bag of rifles and hand guns. Agent Rozilli move to side to give Agent Andrew Johnson room to move. Agent Andrew Johnson kneels down to one of the dead Santas and snatches his hat off his head and put it on. “Rozilli promise me when this is all over you be the one to arrest me and read my rights.” Rozilli stares at him and drop his head down looking at lost to Agent Andrew Johnson’s badge. “You got it.”

Agent Andrew Johnson knew where Kris Kringle was heading. He was going to finish his work his last name on the list. Kris Kringle never finished his naughty/nice list before he was captured. As Agent Andre Johnson drives to the witness protection hideout Jenny (the victim that managed to escape the rampage) home his phones vibrate. Agent Andrew Johnson stares at his iphone it is a Facetime message from some woman he has never seen before. He accepts the Facetime. “Help!!!!!!!!! Please he is going to!!!!!!!” A candy Cane burst through her neck from the back and Kris Kringle appears hover over the Lifeless head of the woman that body is still shaking from trauma. “Kill me, that what she wanted to say kill me, not murder not end my life, put me out of my misery, release me from this cruel world…. Kill m not only she was a naughty snitch she was as predictable as candy canes on Christmas. Speaking of, which.” Kris Kringle pulls the Candy Cane from the woman’s throat and wipes it on the side of his face. Agent Andrew Johnson stares at his phone while he swerving in and out of traffic.  He can barely keep compose himself to drive. Tears runs down his eyes. He feel a lump in his throat knowing if he just begins to speak the tears will run and his heart will ache. “Nice Hat asshole! You’re a Santa now?” “Bitch I’m a Grinch!””Is all this anger coming from this witness from your apartment? Oh my lad I had to silence her she was going to tell on my Carolers. Besides if you cry over her you will not have enough moisture in your eyes to shed tears for Jenny!” “Fuck you!”

Andrew Agent Johnson ends the Facetime call and calls Rozilli. “Come on pick up, pick up! Rozilli, I need you at 1938 Piscadaway lane bring back up and call in the national guards I don’t give a damn if you reach out to the militia make sure they are their! Tell FBI the witness’s whereabouts has been breached!”

Andrew Agent Johnson pulls up in the driveway located at the end of a dirt road. He looks in the mirror fix the Santa hat and then looks around all of a sudden he is surrounded by Carolers. “Beware of the Grinch, Beware of the Grinch is chanting from the Carolers. Agent Andrew Johonson stares in the review mirror then he reaches for the glove compartment and pulls out a fifth of vodka. He stares at it and then throws it in the bag filled with guns. He stares back at the Mirror fits his hat again and wipes his mouth. “Okay, well joy to the world. Ho fucking Ho Merry Christmas!”  He grabs a shotgun out the bag and opens the door. “You wouldn’t shoot a Caroler would you Agent….” Click Click Boom goes the barrel tearing a hole right through the Carolers chest. “You want to beware a fucking Grinch well you bitches got the right one. “ The Remiaing Carolers rush in one by one he lays them down.  He runs out of ammo with the shot gun so he just gun bunt the last Caroler with it. He grabs the remaining guns close his car door and walks towards the injured Caroler that was heading towards the house. The Caroler head was bleeding from the Impact of the Gun bunt blow.  Agent Andrew Johnson kneels down with a chrome .45 Magnum and lifts the Caroler’s head with it.  “Hey, you, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find an obsessed obese fat man with a nasty attitude would you.”  “I’ll never tell you will have to!!!” Blammmm!!!!!!!! As the blood from the Caroler’s skull and fragments splatter on Agent Andrew Johnson’s Face and towards the House he smirks. “Sounds just about right.”

Agent Andrew Johnson runs towards the house and his phone vibrates. He answers it but just toss it on the ground. “Hello! Andrew Hello, come in Andrew it’s Rozilli we are 7 minutes away from the home.” Agent Andrew keeps running and kicks in the door. “I’ve come baring gifts! I hope bullets are on your list because I brought a lot to unwrap the skin of your body! Let the Jenny go and you may be able to be feed out a tube for the rest of your life in prison!”

“Help he is going to kill me somebody help!” “Jenny I’m coming, hold on!” Agent Andrew run with his magnum in his hand dropping the bag of guns. He keep hearing Jenny screams as he get closer to the scream he is clothslined by Kris Kringle arm knocking him backwards and making him lose his gun.

Kris Kringle is holding a tape recorder of Jenny screaming. “Well, well Agent Andrew Johnson. I see you got some blood on your Santa hat. You have no idea how that makes me feel. Cleanness is next Godliness and right now you are looking like hell.” “Kringle just let her go. Please let her go. Take me instead I’ve been naughty I killed your carolers I ruined your Holidays let her go.” “Agent Andrew Johnson you know when you decorate a tree the hardest thing to decide is the ornament to go on the tip top. You want something that’s original something that stands out like an angel. Well I’ve taken liberty to help decorate Jenny’s tree.”

A tree drops from the ceiling with Jenny’s decapitated head on top. “Agent Andrew Johnson almost vomits and starts to shake like a wet dog.“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “I know right she’s nothing pure like angels. I mean come on we damn sure know not a virgin. You have to admit no one else will have this decoration.” Agent Andrew Johnson lunges towards Kris Kringle. Kris Krinle pulls out a gun. Blam!!!!!“Sit your ass down I don’t know what you thought this was but there’s no heroic ending to this my job is down and now bleed out. I got gifts to deliver.  

Kris Kringle walks away and comes back smoking a cigar with the bag of guns. “What should I kill you with? Oh so many toys! Well it’s Chirstmas so I’ll kill you with kindness and since alcohol rushes the bloodflow it’s only appropriate you die by your own vice. Here’s your vodka!” He props Agent Andrew Johnson body up like a wooden dummy against the wall. “AAAggghhhhhh!!!!”Be still it’s just a stomach shot. I know about bellies. Ho, Ho, Ho!” “Come out this is the FBI, we have you surrounded let Jenny and Agent Andrew Johnson go! We do not want to use force. Let them go and we can insure your safety!” “Well looks like I’m one head short for my safety”

There’s no sigh of relief that law enforcement was there for Agent Andrew Johnson he was losing to much blood and could barely move. Kris Kringle walks away and come back with wine glasses. He pours himself a glass and smashed the other glass. “Opps!” He stabs the broken piece of glass into Agent Andrew Johnson’s chest. “Hey just like ol times!” He hand Agent Andrew Johnson the bottle and raises his glass for cheers. “Oh where are my manners? It’s a celebration let’s smoke a cigar! Where’s my lighter?” Kris Kringles walks to search for the lighter. Agent Andrew Johnson’s head leaned to the right and saw a lighter under the tree. He crawls towards and grabs it and then slides back in place. He grabbed the Vodka bottle and took a sip. Kris Kringle came back. “Great you are celebrating well for you! I had to light these Cuban cigars on the stove. Awwwww, one went out. It’s fine you can have mine and I’ll just use yours to light mine. Open your mouth!” Agent Andrew opens his mouth and takes a sip then perch his mouth back open. Kris Kringle puts the Cigar in his mouth. Agent Andrew Johnson takes a pull and blows smoke out.

Meanwhile outside

“What the fuck is going on in there! We going to have to go in” A FBI agent tries to calm Rozilli down, “Keep calm Rozilli if Johnson in there and we haven’t heard a sign of scuffle he’s probably difussing the situation if we go in there guns blazing someone could be harmed.”

Back inside

Kris Kringle leans in with his cigar in his mouth and then Agent Andrew Johnson smash the Vodka bottle in his face and with his other hand sparks the lighter and set Kris Kringle’s face on fire. Kris Kringle is moving around hysterically he shoots towards Agent Andrew Johnson’s location but Andrew Agent Johnson managed to reach the door. He crawls up and gets on his feet. He looks back and Kris kringle is falling on furniture igniting everything he touches. He falls into the tree and Jenny’s head rolls over his body and right in front of Agent Andrew Johnson’s feet. He looks down. I’m sorry Jenny but I hope you enjoy this Present from heaven. “Oh Kris!“ He thought to himself he’s not even worth it. As he opens door you hear get down, freeze, don’t move. “God damn it can’t you guys see its Johnson.” “Thanks Robert now read me my rights while I go to the hospital.”Swat team rushes pass them and runs back out to surround the hosue and wait for the local fire Department.  “Rozilli he’s dead. Finally he’s dead.” Agent Andrew Johnson alongside Rozilli hops into an ambulance. “Damn it you did it Andrew! What about?” “I didn’t make it in time.”

December 20, 2013 Kingborough Hospital Brooklyn New York

Agent Andrew Johnson is awakening with a gift next to him. He clinches his chest with fear.  He opens it and it’s his badge. Rozilli walks in.“Hey back from the dead! How was the afterlife?” “Didn’t see your mouse face, so I would say it was peaceful.” They both laugh. “Hey I have another surprise for you. A young woman walks in. “Could you excuse us?” Rozilli replies, “Yes ma’am” and he walks backwards to the door giving Agent Andrew Johnson a score gesture. “How may I help you little lady?” “I was speaking to your associate after I heard of the news that Kris Kringle was burned to death I decided I could come out of hiding. I witnessed when he came to see you a year ago. Well, him and his Carolers and I was placed in protective custody. I know that he was looking for me so I had my identity altered and he grabbed the wrong papers from the precinct and he killed an innocent woman. Thanks for saving me. I know eventually he would’ve found me and finished what he started.” “No problem ma’am I wished I could’ve saved more lives at least yours was sparred and since Kris Kringle is dead we can all start to rebuild.” The lady smiles and walks towards the door she locks and start singing, “We wish you a merry Christmas.“ She pulls out a Santa hat a puts it on. “I never said Kris Kringle was dead I said he was burned to death. That was merely an expression. Beware of the Grinch, Beware of the Grinch, Beware of the Grinch!!!!!!!”

The End

The Carolers Part 3c of 4

December 14, 2013 12:03PM Midtown Manhattan

“Well it’s understandable if you are upset but you accomplished what you set out for and that was to catch one of the most diabolical criminals of all time, Kris Kringle. Damn it Agent Andrew Johnson! Stop blaming yourself for everything, from one colleague to another thanks and with all due respect stop being hard on yourself asshole.” Agent Andrew took his hand off the car’s steering wheel and slowly looked at Agent Rozilli and then placed them back on the wheel and said, “Wow I guess it’s both of our lucky day there’s actually parking around #4th Street Macy’s.” Agent Rozilli is a little shaken after all he did just curse out his partner, superior and role model.  

Agent Andrew Johnson parks the vehicle and threw a cop pass in the windshield. He grabs Agent Rozilli arm as Rozilli had started to exit. “Yo, kid you have some real courage kid I like that.” He then let’s Agent Rozilli arm go and extends his hand. “My friends Call me Andrew you little play the rules prick.” Rozilli laughs in relief “Well I’m Robert my friends calls me.” “Baby steps Robert we are cool but we are not trying to start a band let’s just get this bullshit holiday shopping out the way while we just chaperone these dunks bastards in Santa suits and make sure this Santa con goes smoothly.”

There are like dozens upon dozens of Santa Suits amongst the crowded sidewalk around Macy’s. You hear Christmas Carols and the sounds of Fa la la la. All of a sudden you hear a group gaining focus they are chanting “Beware of the Grinch, Beware of the Grinch!” Agent Andrew Johnson and Rozilli stare at each other and then they stare towards the crowd. Just, as Agent Andrew Johnson expected bunch of Drunk Santas.

Meanwhile, at the precinct where Kris Kringle is held

“Tis the season to be jolly Fa La La La La La La La” “Shut up Kringle! You are disrupting the whole place!” “Sorry young lad it’s just a joyus occasion that’s about to happen.” At the reception desk of the precinct two little girls holding a nicely wrapped gift box enter. “Excuse me little girls how can I help you? Are you lost who are you?” Kris Kringle looks at the precinct’s clock on the wall stands up and brushes his self off.  The little girls simultaneously looked at the random answer and answered we are “Carolers Merry Christmas!” They put the box to the officer face.

Blah Blah Blah! It was a gun hidden in the box. Mayhem breaks lose. The officers on duty grab their weapons. One of the girls ran and hit the lights. All you could see is flashes of gun fire. You hear Kris Kringle “Ho, Ho, Ho!” all of a sudden it was a bunch of little kids swarming in from outside singing, Joy to the world the time has come!” The cops were getting picked off. One by one they were dropping.  One of the kids managed to get the cell keys and freed Kris Kringle. A cell mate that was inside with Kris Kringle, “Yelled can I come with you?” Kris Kringle looked back and said, “Sure you are nice and for that your gift this year is freedom!”

Back in Midtown Manhattan

“Andrew, why the hell is all the Santas are saying Beware of the Grinch!” “I don’t know why Robert but, it has something to do with Kringle you can bet your left nut on that!” All of a sudden they chanting stopped and the Santas start running away from Agent Andrew Johnson and Agent Rozilli.

“What the fuck that was all about?” “I have no idea.” Agent Andrew phone rings. It was a officer at the precinct. “We are being attacked! Kris Kringle is escaping I can’t!” A candy cane goes through the throat of the informing officer and Kris Kringle picks up the phone and clears his throat, “Uhummmm, Agent Andrew?” “What the fuck is going on you sick bastard?”  “Wow, how non-professional. First, you law enforcements use phones on the job and now profanity. Let’s not even get started on the cleaning bill for my suit that you spilled coffee on!” “What you want?” I want to thank you for your hospitality, but I must bid you a proper adieu. Also, I want to tell you that you are a Grinch for trying to stop me!”

The phone hangs up and then Agent Andrew Johnson realizes that those damn Santas at Santa Con are in on it. “Rozzilli, Kris Kringle is planning to escape by blending in with the Santas during Santa Con.” Kris Kringle plan was obvious now. He wanted to get arrested so he can get the information of the witness that can help crack this case so he can escape and finish his job.  Agent Andrew Johnson and Rozilli pull up and bust into the precicint with their guns drawn. It was too late Kris Kringle had escaped and scattered on the floor were dead cops and kids. Agent Andrew Johnson stumbles out the precinct and is surrounded by 100’s of Santas. One Santa walked up to Agent Andrew Johnson holding a Grinch Mask. Rozilli runs out the bulding gun flaring. “Don’t Move!” The Santa drops the Mask and says, “For Saint Nick!” The whoe, crowd screams, “For Saint Nick and then all of them drop on the ground.

Agent Andrew Johnson looks at the Mask and sees that a scroll is hanging out. Rozilli is walking back and forth rubbing his gun on his head. “What the fuck!” The scroll reads, “Love is strong as poison and enough of it will kill you.” “Robert read this.” Rozilli reads it. “You mean to tell me that this sick son of a bitch is capable of this!”

To be continued……………………………………….











The Carolers Part 3b of 4

December 13, 2013 6:58AM Brooklyn New York

Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Agent Andrew Johnson wakes up out of his sleep grabbing his chest and sweating profusely. He turns and stares at his calendar. Yeap it’s December 13th approximately one year ago of the Bloomberg beheading. He smirks, because to top it off it’s Friday the 13th. He rises from his bed and walk towards his fridge stumbling over an empty Johnny Walker bottle and clothes that was clearly just pulled off and dropped as they may. He opens the fridge and grabs a water bottle. He twists the top and flings it out the window. “Great! It’s Friday the 13th. You got to love life.”

The phone rings. It’s Robert Rozilli. “Agent Johnson we need you at the 23rd Precinct immediately. You are not going to believe this.”  

December 13, 2013 8:02AM New York New York           

Agent Andrew Johnson arrives at the 23rd Precinct located at 138 West 30th Street. “Agent Johnson what took you so long?” “Rozilli, the damn train got stalled on 14th street.” “Come we have a gift.” Agent Andrew Johnson walks into the booking room and he stares at what seem to be the devil himself. “He turned himself in this morning, he said it’s a Friday the 13th and he knows the police will keep him safe from weirdoes.” Agent Andrew is so shocked that he is paralyzed with fear and amazement.  It was Kris Kringle. “What the fuck!” Agent Andrew Johnson lunge at Kris Kringle. Then he grabs his cuffed hand and twisted it till it snapped. Kris Kringle started to scream in pain and agony.  Cops grab Agent Johnson and held him against the wall like an insane man. Kris Kringle said, “Jesus!!! Is that any way to treat a guest? I surrender as your prisoner and this thanks I get. You naughty son of a bitch I come to you as an early Christmas gift and for protection it’s the 13th and things are brewing!” Agent Johnson lunges again, but this time Rozilli stands in between them and says, “Agent Johnson, he’s not worth it lets relax it’s over he’s getting transferred to The North Pole Monday. Let’s just get a coffee and calm down. “Yes, a Coffee would be nice I like mine…” “Not you fat ass!” yelled Rozilli.

Agent Johnson still shaking and trying to compose himself accepts Rozilli offer. “Jesus Christ Johnson do you want that sick bastard to cause you to lose your badge, your carrer?” “No, I’m good thanks for talking to me Rozilli I’ll take another coffee. Thanks, this is to go.” After all the paper work was done Agent Andrew Johnson decided to head home for the night. He asked to see Kris Kringle. “Here’s your Coffee.” Agent Andrew Johnson threw the steamy Coffee in Kris Kringle’s face. “Ho, Ho, Ho thanks I but I prefer more sugar and a cup. Goodnight.” Agent Andrew just stared at him into his eyes he see that this guy was beyond being human.

December 14, 2013 Midtown Manhattan

Happy Santa Con 2013 now happen bunch of drunken Santa’s that’s what this city needs to bring holiday cheer. “Cheer up Johnson! We caught Kris Kringle. You don’t reek of Vodka and its snowing. I don’t know about you but I feel great!” “I’ll smile when that fat fuck is back in the North Pole.”

To be continued……………………………………….




The Carolers Part 3a of 4

December 13, 2008 5:56PM Queens New York

“Ho, Ho, Ho Merry Christmas!!!!!” “Hey Sir, I’m Agent” “Andrew Johnson!” “How did you?” “Know? I know all the kids of all age’s names. I know if they are naughty or nice. Please Andrew call me Kris Kringle and how may I assist you?” “Well, Kris Kringle I know this may seems inappropriate, but I have a few questions concerning the Holiday murders going around.” “Oh you mean Carolers.” “Carolers?” “Yes, Carolers it’s what the news calling them. The murders I mean they go around homes killing people who answer the door. I mean the news doesn’t call them Carolers but it’s the holidays and they go door to door singing before the murder happens. I feel Carolers would be a clean way to call the culprits so it won’t disturb the kids.” “Hmmm. I’m sorry Kris Kringle I been on this case for a while and I think I’m about to break this thing so I haven’t watched the news latlely.” “The Questions” “Oh yeah can I ask you a few questions?” “Of course my dear lad I’m willing to answer all and any question you have. After all I am the mastermind behind these holiday murders.” “What!!!” “Ho. Ho, Ho, Ho!” “Ha, Ha, Ha you almost had me there Kris. I can come back when the mall close to ask you a few questions.”  

December 13, 2008 7:59PM Brooklyn New York

Agent Andrew Johnson sits in his Apartment staring at a barely decorated Christmas tree sipping sour whisky with two dissolving ice cubes swirling around as he pull the glass from his lips and rotate his hand by his side.  He thinks about his recent encounter with the Santa at the mall. “Call me Kris Kringle, ha what a whack job he really takes his work seriously.”  He reaches to take his gun from his waist to put it away to relax. Then he is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Knock, Knock, Knock! “Hold on!” Agent Andre Johnson just tucks his gun his back belt loop. He peeks out his peep hole and see two little girls dressed as little elves. He opens the door. The girls start singing, “We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas and…” Agent Andrew Johnson smirked and said, “well finish girls” “and a happy fucking new year!” The two girls stared at him with their pupils dilated with death. He stared at them and then stared at his chest. He felt a sharp pain in his heart. He see a candy cane held by hand that is attached to an arm that reached behind him.  “Good my dear Carolers run along and wait for me in the sleigh.”

 Agent Andrew Johnson turns his body around with the candy cane still being held poking out his heart. He finally turns to face Kris Kringle. “Ho, Ho fucking Ho. How’s it going Agent? You have questions for me still? Well let me answer two that are beneficial to you. Yes, I know about the murders going around and yes I am the one responsible for them. Well me and my minions. What the hell! Here’s an answer you should worry about. If you wonder if are going to die. The answer is yes!” Agent Andrew reaches for his gun located in his back belt loop. “Oh Andrew are you looking for this? That’s Naughty!” Agent Andrew Johnson sees Kris Kringle holding his gun. Kris Kringle pushes the candy cane deeper into his heart. Agent Andrew Johnson starts to pass out and drops to his knees. He was at the end of his ropes. Then all of a sudden with every little thing he has left he stared at Kris Kringles pants and lunged with his mouth and bit his groan.

Kris kringle in pain screamed and the candy cane snapped in half. Andrew knew it was his only chance. The gun had dropped out of Kris hands. Agent Andrew grabbed the gun to shoot Kris Kringle. “Freeze!!!!!!” Andrew Johnson turns around. “It’s okay, I’m an Agent!” “Nobody moves!”  Agent dropped the gun and turned around. It was the NYPD. They had received a call from a neighbor that seen two little girls kill a door man. “Andrew are you okay?” Yeah, I’m good Andrew muttered. “He’s over there fellas.” “Who?” Agent turns around to see Kris Kringle was gone. He then exits his apartment for questioning.

As he walks through his apartment lobby he sees Doorman of his building being zipped up in a body bag. Andrew knew him very well it was Sim. Sim was the nicest man on earth according to Agent Andrew Johnson.  “What happened?” “According to a witness two little girls ask him for your Apartment number and he refused to give it so the stabbed he with 25 candy canes.” “Where are the two little girls?” “We don’t know, but we were able to save the neighbor that witness the whole thing before they got to her. “ “Let me see them!”

To be continued……………………………………….

The Carolers Part 2 of 4

December 12, 2013 3:43PM New York New York

“Excuse me Agent Johnson? “ “Who wants to know?” “It’s an honor to meet you, I’m Robert Rozzilli. I sorry it’s just a pleasure meeting you I studied you and wow your book about the 10 murders of Xmas inside a madman was my thesis.” “Rozzilli.  I give you some advice you just got out the academy?” “Yes” “Stay alive and keep away from fat men with candy canes.” “Ummmm? Okay.”

Agent Andrew Johnson grabs a empty water bottle and filled it with Vodka form a liquor store bag and threw the empty vodka and bag outside the window. Agent Rozilli said, “Hey that’s littering and dangerous!” Agent Johnson replied, what ya gonna do call the cops?” Then he take two sips from the vodka filled water bottle grabbed his chest.  Rozilli glared at him with a sense of admiration and a hint of disrespect. Several Agents are sitting at monitors trying to figure out the whereabouts and go to to locate Kris Kringle. Agent Johnson said, “We need to check all visitor logs from the past 10 years and find out their whereabouts for questioning.” “If he scratches his ass I want to know how much pressure was applied and how loud the nails are!!!” Agent Rozilli stares at amazement.

Then Agent Johnson looks towards the window. He realizes that there was no noise of the bottle hitting the ground when he tossed it out the window. They were just 2 floors above the sidewalk.  He reaches for his gun. As he slowly walks towards the window you can hear his heartbeat with fear and adrenaline.  “Shhhhh…., Agent Rozilli everyone stand back.”  As soon as he got to the window a box comes hurling through it and landed in the middle of the run. Agent Johnson jumped back and landed on his back. “Everyone move!”””””” The place dispersed. Two hours later, bomb specialist was on the scene everyone within eye distant stared at the building while the specialists were inside. The block was barricaded and blocked off from the public.

Mayor Bloomberg came on a bicycle. “Agent Johnson what’s going on in my city?” Agent Johnson looked him up and down and then just out of nowhere bitch slapped the fuck out of him. “Calm your little ass down while real men are working.” One of the Bomb Specialist came out holding the box. He insured them that it was not a box but it was present that said to Mike Bloomberg. That was strange how and why. It had a card that said read before opening. Agent Johnson grabbed and said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Mayor Bloomberg said, “Fuck you its Christmas time and it’s a gift for me!”

Mayor Bloomberg snatched the present out of his hand faster than a stripper snatch a $100.00 bill on rent day. Mayor Bloomberg reads the card out loud. “What do you get a Billionaire that can be anything in the world? Simple something he can’t buy.” Agent Johnson grabs his chest and take a swig from his Vodka filled water bottle. Mayor Bloomberg said, “hmmm.” As he open the box Agent Johnson put two and two together.  Kris Kringle knew the Mayor would come here it was a trap. “Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Mayor Bloomberg opens the box and a blade spins out and cut his head off. The Mayor stiff lifeless body drops on the floor and his head lands on his citibike seat. Agent Rozilli runs towards the blade with his gun out. Agent Johnson said, “What the fuck you going to do stupid shoot the fucking blade to death it’s over.” Agent Johnson and Rozilli walks slowly to the blade that was bloody and landed on the once was a nicely wrapped gift box. The blade said A Life. Agent Rozilli asked, “A Life? What does A Life means?”  Agent Johnson grabbed his chest. “Rozilli it’s the answer to the question what do you get a Billionaire that can be anything in the world? Simple something he can’t buy. A life.  Agent Johnson phone vibrates. “What do you want Kringle??!!”  “How did you know it was me I could’ve been one of your women? Ho, Ho, Ho who are we kidding! You get no bitches!!! I just want to make sure the Mayor got my gift since I am visiting his city it’s only right he get a gift.” “I’m going to hunt you down Fat boy Merry Fucking Christmas!!!!!!”

To be continued……………………………………….

The Carolers Part 1 of 4

December 10, 2013 8:38AM Brooklyn New York

The phone vibrates by the bed. Former Special Agent Andrew Johnson picks up the phone. “Sup?”  Is this Agent Johnson?” “This is he. Who thought it was suppose to be?”  Agent Johnson this is the FBI we need your help.”  I’m no longer Agent I retired” “ Sir, Kris Kringle has escaped prison.” “I’m on my way!

Agent Johnson arrives to the North Pole and is greeted by Antlers North Pole’s Marshall. “Good Afternoon Antlers.” “Cut the Hellos Johnson I got dead reindeer and elves on my hands!” “What went down Antlers?” ” At 0:09 PM Christkindchen“Excuse me? Christkindchen?” “Sorry I forgot you are American, Kris Kringle escaped our prison killing several of our elves and reindeers. He disquised himself as Gingerbread man and hoped on a sleigh headed to New York.”

Agent Johnson grabbed his chest and ran out of the building. He headed back to New York. Agent Johnson knew that Kris Kringle was probably in New York already, but why? What would make this vicious killer resurface?  Finding a 6 ft 6 500 lb Gingerbread man shouldn’t be hard to find in the Big City. He dealt with Kris Kringle before and knew his motives before but this was a new unwrapped gift handed to him. Agent Johnson landed in JFK airport and walked out to catch a cab. All of a sudden his phone vibrates. “Sup?”  “Ho, Ho, Fucking Ho…”  

Agent Johnson grabs his chest and his lips quivered. It was as if he can feel the chills stroll down his back as if soul was playing a melody of death. With hhis throat dry and his hand shaking on the phone he responded. “Who who is this?” “Agent Andrew Johnson how’s your holidays thus far? Have you been naughty or nice? Should come down your Chimney or stuff your stocking? I’ll make sure to stop by your home regardless young lad. Oh by the way did you enjoy the candy cane?” “Kris Kringle what is it you want? Tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “I want to finish my work. I must complete me list. Please Agent Andrew Johnson let’s not be formal. You can call me Santa.” Agent Johnson grabs his chest and stagger to the side walk. People around are concern they think he is having a heart attack. Mr. you need help, a lady ask. Agent Andrew said no maam. Then he composed himself. “Kris Kringle, I’m going to find you you fat son of a bitch!” “My foul mouth naughty lad I sure hope so and by the way Merry Christmas!!!!!!”

To be continued……………………………………….

The Adventures of Billy Dick Williams AKA William Richard Williams part 2 of 4

Duck!!!!!!!!!!! Shots rang out from a grassy noel. Billy looks around and ask, “Are we good” Huffing and puffing he realize his doll has been hit. “Wake up, Wake up” his lips quiver and his body starts to shiver. It then dawns on him. His doll is gone. He covers her eyes with a handkerchief. He screams Ariel!!!!!!!!! Her lifeless strong rubber material breast jumped with her last nerve.

 Billy screams, “What are you waiting for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m right here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want dick, come get some!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As the wind blew and Ariel body deflates with every beat Billy heart pumped it seemed like he was dying with her.  Finally, she was done. As she laid there looking like a once was sexy beef jerky.  He regains composure. With pain and hurt in his heart and fury in his eyes, it’s clear that Billy has hate in his blood.

This was much deeper than the Man writing stereotypical situations. This was a message to stop while Billy was ahead. Billy started to walk towards the area he assumed the shots were fired and then his phone rang. Billy picks up. “Hello.” “What’s up Money Grits?” “Who’s this?”  “This is Tracy MorganBilly!” “You’re Alive?” “Yeah, Chief!” “I was told the man was going to kill you.” “Naw Billy, it’s a set up to start a whole new way of brain washing people and killing excitement. The man wants to bring in new comedy without emotion deadpan 2.0, comma comedy! I found out from Fame, so thank Fame for telling me now I’m telling you you got the info now Billy what you gonna do?” “Damn I felt like niggaz want to stick me for my paper.” Billy hung up the phone.  He realized this was big and he must avenge Ariel, or else he’s blowup doll would been murder in vain.  This was about the dawning of new ignorance.  The death of not just acting and comedy, but as entertainment as we know it.  The man wants to takeover with Reality shows.

Billy wondered was this why he and his scrotum framed by the FBI or has this been a reality show?  There were only two things that he trusted in this world. His blow up doll was inflated in an untimely manner and demise so all he had left was he’s balls. He then stared at the sky grabbing his nuts. “I hope the man got his eyes open because baby boy the dick is now up and harder and is coming on that ass!!!!!!!!!!!”

To be continued…………………………………………………..






Nightmare in Pedro’s bed (The prequel)

I had a nightmare last night. I had a terrible dream that I went to hell. Hell wasn’t what they said it was. Hell was a comedy open mic, with a cover and two-drink minimum and there were also bringers. So you had to bring souls to this hell just to perform onstage and get burned over and over again. I looked around and I noticed a lot of comics there that I knew. I walked up to them and asked what happened? They said, “P I sold my soul for this comedy shit and this I got.” I said, “Yeah dude its hell on earth and selling your soul won’t do nothing but get you stage time. You need talent, skills and faith to carry you the rest of the way.” Then one of them said, “Well nigga you here too.”

He made a valid point. What the fuck I was doing in hell at this eternal open mic? I didn’t sell my soul, I had skills, I was humble. Then I went to the bar and asked can I speak to the host. The bartender said the Devil was in the back making his comedy lineup. Finally the devil came and said what’s up. I was like, “What the fuck I’m doing here son? He asked, “How you got here? You know it’s a two drink minimum?” I said, “Am I on the list my name is Pedro Lee aka John Holmes Jr, Clyde Adams, Driz, Sicker Author, Reign Man, P, P-rock, Ditty, Wan, Mr. Lee, BigDikDynamiteJonez, Smooth nut Criminal, P is sofaking amazing, P-will bender over, and oooohhhhhhh daddy when I’m with the ladies.

He said, “No you not on the list.” What the fuck? He said, “Oh you here because while others was stealing your swag one decided to steal your soul and sell it to boost they career. Those dirty muthafuckas! Then a light shined on me and I awakened. I was drenched in sweat and I look to my left my joke book was on fire. I didn’t even attempt to put it out. I just let that son of a bitch burn. I knew then at that moment, fuck writing shit down I got to go off the top of me head. I’m built for this shit. I was sent here to destroy this system and help rebuild it and save the world from boring as bullshit that we have settled for.

I also realized I cannot do it by myself. Finally, I understand no one was meant to be alone that’s why Adam gave up that rib. So, I decided to align myself with others that go against the grain and also form a group. “The Psych ward” I named it this because anyone these days that can voice they opinion and back it up is considered crazy. Well guess what damn it I got a few screws missing and I’m not finding them bitches, replacing them and I had my brain to damn long to take that bastard back and exchange it or get a fucking refund.

So now I’m on my Quest to bring the most unique thoughts into a visual weapon to attack the stereotypical thinking of what is entertaining. In other words, I just wanted to say I’m back on my standup-comedy grind as other things. But unlike a normal person just saying that, I had to say it my way because I’m not a normal ass person. I also believe (for those who care) that you deserve more than an average story or joke. I’m trying to hit you with reality. Then I hit you with some thought provoking facts. Then to those that don’t know a bit of knowledge and then I top it all off on some joints with some off the wall science fiction shit with a urban twist. So, you get hit with topics and stories at all angles. Also, as I said in 2014 I am going to try my best to hit the blogging daily. This doesn’t mean you have to read them daily (that would be damn nice) I do this for those that can’t come out to check me perform. I’m doing this to show you that I’m on my grind and in the state of mind to rock 24/7.

I’m doing this for me to express myself, to show how I’m feeling that day, etc. It’s also a sample of my thought process. Some people tell you to come check them and support them and they don’t give you a sample of work or any imagination. Well tadaw here it is. I’m doing this to show my thought process doesn’t shut down. Also I like to thank everybody that supported me and came out to my show and my fellow comedian’s shows.

Thanks for everyone that take the time out of their schedules to read my blogs or scan through it. Really big shout outs to those that comment on them and drop them kudos. Thanks for those people that push me to do this shit on and off stage. I’m sorry if it seem like I was slacking and wasn’t getting of my ass. Trust me, I was preparing with strategy to hit everything hard so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. Sorry for anyone that thought I was throwing a personal attack on them (I wasn’t. Adult up and don’t use me as an excuse for your short comings. Man up you rat bastards). I hate to be so general with the thank you, but thank God I got so many people to give thanks I can’t mention because I don’t want to leave anyone out.

Well I have given my apologies and thank yous. Now it’s almost 2014. Enough with the Emotional back to business. You are all invited to witness a true Genius. I’m a sick one but I’m a damn good one at being sick.

That Boy good!

Last night, I was preparing for entertaining (freaking). I know Babygirl was coming in from a hard day’s work. So I had planned to set the mood off in this muthafucka. I had planned dinner, music, bath, massage, make love, rose petals, etc. You know the whole sha bang bang. I got the call like around 5 to confirm and I was on my way home to get ready and as I said earlier set the mood off in this muthafucka. I cleaned up nicely (put the porn andempty alcohol bottles away and that Bishop don Juan poster of him with 11 white chicks, Chuuuuuuuuuuuuccchhhhhh!!!!!!).

Crib now clean, so I prepared the room. I put Sunflower seeds on the bed because shit!!! roses are expensive, plus if she get freaky she can put these seeds in her mouth(fellas let that one go)and she can chew them and spit the shells on my chest. I sprayed Febreze and Old spice in the spot to living things up and I finished cooking. I threw on something sexy and oiled myself down with the remaining cooking oil(waste not want not). I oiled myself down because the bones are sexy greased trust me.

I put on my long john bottoms to show off the legs because I had just ran for the bus earlier and they was swollen from that tadawwwww and I put on my Boondocks T-shirt size (XM) you know to show of the ribbbbbbbbbbssssss!!!!!!! I started drawing her bath I put laundry detergent and Clorox in the tub. She knocked on the door. I answered the door and she was smiling like a fat nigga dreaming about birthday cake. She was like you so sweet.

You bet your left tit I am. I took of her jacket and when I was hanging it up she started undressing. I was like cheeeeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! She was bad 4ft11 348lbs. Dark skinned. Looking like a sexy photo negative. She had boy shorts on looking like lace curtains. I was excited. So we went to the tub. I hopped in then she hopped in. The tub did the shoulder lean. She whipped one of her breast out and it flew out hit me in my face and the back of my head hit the wall. She asked, “Are you bleeding? Are you hurt?????!!!!!” I said, “Naw, that’s just my emotions for you splattered against the tile wall. I got so much it explodes out my head.”

She said, “Awwwwwwwww” Then we left the tub. I looked back at the tube. The tube said, “You dirty muthafucka. The two midgets in me was cool, but you never said you was going to bring elephants up in here nigga I hate you!!!!!!!” I told the tube sorry. He threatened me by saying he going to make sure I get burned next time. I laughed because if I play my cards right I can burnt tonight. So now we butt ass naked eating dinner I cooked for her. She enjoyed the Vienna sausage smothered in spam and cheese with jelly topping.

Then she wanted to get freaky and me being a gentleman I said, “Oh Fo Sho!!!!!!!” So I layed her own the floor because beds are expensive. She wanted to make love to some sensual music. So, I put on Tupac’s “All eyes on me” album. Soon as Ambitionz of a ridah came on I came off. Then she wanted me to go down. So I put on my I love BBQ’s bib(safety first). She threw her stuff in my face like the movie Aliens. My whole head went in so I had no other choice but to chew my way out. I know she got her because when I emerged my entire head was glazed like a donut. Now, this where’s the whole story get strange. She was about to give me head. Aight. She grabs my joint and looked at it. She asked, “Do you want to be my baby?” I said, “Huh???” She said, “Not you nigga!!!! Shut the Fuck up; I’m talking to your dick, Roger!!!!!!!!!” I was like what the fuck we still renaming niggaz? So she started talking to me dick like a baby. I’m talking about goo goo ga ga.

Then she started making funny faces at it. She was tickling it like it supposes to make it laugh. I don’t have patience for this bullshit. I only let that go on for about 45minutes or an hour. I was like look Bahemoth, stop talking to my dick he dont like you. Don’t you know this bitch? Picked me up and body slammed me on my glass table. It was like buttnaked wrestling. See I know I was raised not hit women. I didn’t hit her back, because she kept dodging, bobbing and weaving. My punches couldn’t connect. So I called the cops. Two lady cops came (good-looking out 51st pct). They came and seen what happened. They said they seen what was going on. They started to get naked and they said they were going to join in.

I’m like cool it’s about time I get to fucked the law over for a change. So all three got on their knees. And now all of them were goo goo and ga ga speaking baby talk to my dick. So now I done came to this conclusion. My dick got a babyface. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Goooooddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why I was cursed with this adorable Penis of mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


We are rich because of opportunity alone.

Hi Folks! I hope you are enjoying your first true taste of winter. I just recently seen a documentary on Netflix that said the dumbest most ignorant programmed shit I have ever heard. Black dude said going to jail is just like going to college. Really, I never took a felony as a major in my school and my damn school dealt with law. Now this would make an old Slave owner proud with this remark and I quote, "The only way a real hood nigga could become a man is go to prison. It likes a jungle and you become a Lion."

 See we are rich for our own good. We have leisure’s and material objects to blind us of our true blessings. It's black people back in the day that had to drop out of school in like 3rd grade to help raise they brothers and sisters and help they parents farm. They would pay a million dollars if they had it just for the chance to learn to read. Now kids only go to school for a fashion show and with technology why read and learn to spell since the computers can cover up our ignorance or lack of thinking skills. Now don't think it’s a black thing. It's not this is a worldwide thing. There are immigrants (which is a fucked up word to say when we can say people from another country) that scrapped and struggled over here to make a better life for their families only to have their decedents piss over their dream by becoming a oppressed marching my bad a American.

Think people. Our whole logic of economics has gone retarded. Back in the day currency was diamonds, gold, cattle, land, and thrones. We changed all that for fucking paper green paper or even worst electronic money. In other words, debit, credit cards,. You don't even see the money or feel it physically. You go by the number in which case you owe the money government to be broke (insufficient funds). My friend who is Jewish (reminds me every chance he gets in a comical way in hopes to get a laughable reaction) told me I act like a militant why because I'm against the machine and government ways of thinking. If that's the case if I was white I would be a hippie. He furthered said I should be glad I’m black because at least I didn’t go through the Holocaust. Well you my friend and I’m sorry to do this but unfortunately I'm a black man that read and not a nigga. So buddy boy peep this (Hitler wasn’t color blind when it came to terror).

The fate of black people from 1933 to 1945 in Nazi Germany and in German-occupied territories ranged from isolation to persecution, sterilization, medical experimentation, incarceration, brutality, and murder. However, there was no systematic program for their elimination as there was for Jews and other groups.
After World War I, the Allies stripped Germany of its African colonies. The German military stationed in Africa (Schutztruppen), as well as missionaries, colonial bureaucrats, and settlers, returned to Germany and took with them their racist attitudes. Separation of whites and blacks was mandated by the Reichstag (German parliament), which enacted a law against mixed marriages in the African colonies.

Following World War I and the Treaty of Versailles (1919), the victorious Allies occupied the Rhineland in western Germany. The use of French colonial troops, some of whom were black, in these occupation forces exacerbated anti-black racism in Germany. Racist propaganda against black soldiers depicted them as rapists of German women and carriers of venereal and other diseases. The children of black soldiers and German women were called "Rhineland Bastards." The Nazis, at the time a small political movement, viewed them as a threat to the purity of the Germanic race. In Mein Kampf (My Struggle), Hitler charged that "the Jews had brought the Negroes into the Rhineland with the clear aim of ruining the hated white race by the necessarily-resulting bastardization."

African German mulatto children were marginalized in German society, isolated socially and economically, and not allowed to attend university. Racial discrimination prohibited them from seeking most jobs, including service in the military. With the Nazi rise to power they became a target of racial and population policy. By 1937, the Gestapo (German secret state police) had secretly rounded up and forcibly sterilized many of them. Some were subjected to medical experiments; others mysteriously "disappeared."

The racist nature of Adolf Hitler's regime was disguised briefly during the Olympic Games in Berlin in August 1936, when Hitler allowed 18 African American athletes to compete for the U.S. team. However, permission to compete was granted by the International Olympic Committee and not by the host country.

 Adult African Germans were also victims. Both before and after World War I, many Africans came to Germany as students, artisans, entertainers, former soldiers, or low-level colonial officials, such as tax collectors, who had worked for the imperial colonial government. Hilarius (Lari) Gilges, a dancer by profession, was murdered by the SS in 1933, probably because he was black. Gilges' German wife later received restitution from a postwar German government for his murder by the Nazis.

Some African Americans, caught in German-occupied Europe during World War II, also became victims of the Nazi regime. Many, like female jazz artist Valaida Snow, were imprisoned in Axis internment camps for alien nationals. The artist Josef Nassy, living in Belgium, was arrested as an enemy alien and held for seven months in the Beverloo transit camp in German-occupied Belgium. He was later transferred to Germany, where he spent the rest of the war in the Laufen internment camp and its subcamp, Tittmoning, both in Upper Bavaria.
European and American blacks were also interned in the Nazi concentration camp system. Lionel Romney, a sailor in the U.S. Merchant Marine, was imprisoned in the Mauthausen concentration camp. Jean Marcel Nicolas, a Haitian national, was incarcerated in the Buchenwald and Dora-Mittelbau concentration camps in Germany. Jean Voste, an African Belgian, was incarcerated in the Dachau concentration camp. Bayume Mohamed Hussein from Tanganyika (today Tanzania) died in the Sachsenhausen camp, near Berlin.

Black prisoners of war faced illegal incarceration and mistreatment at the hands of the Nazis, who did not uphold the regulations imposed by the Geneva Convention (international agreement on the conduct of war and the treatment of wounded and captured soldiers). Lieutenant Darwin Nichols, an African American pilot, was incarcerated in a Gestapo prison in Butzbach. Black soldiers of the American, French, and British army’s were worked to death on construction projects or died as a result of mistreatment in concentration or prisoner-of-war camps. Others were never even incarcerated, but were instead immediately killed by the SS or Gestapo.

Some African American members of the U.S. Armed forces were liberators and witnesses to Nazi atrocities. The 761st Tank Battalion (an all-African American tank unit), attached to the 71st Infantry Division, U.S. Third Army, under the command of General George Patton, participated in the liberation of Gunskirchen, a subcamp of the Mauthausen concentration camp, in May 1945. In other words people of all race and color be wise and not a puppet. Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There more to reading than looking at an airbrushed greased tattooed thick girl bent over a car and who’s beefing with you.

I’ll hit you with a little something for Halloween

Pedro Lee is a Comedic Actor and a writer who has just buried his eccentric open mic career which died in mysterious bringer circumstances. His career has left him an apartment in Redhook Brooklyn. His may be son has also disappeared and his confidence is over. He still loves his possible baby mother (the test haven’t came in), but there is too much distance between them. He enters the apartment which is evil. Pedro Lee grew up there and he knows the Apartment, but the Apartment also knows him. The Apartment is dangerous. There are strange things happening there. The apartment can manipulate your life and drive you into pimping.

The Apartment has its own Supernatural prostitutes and there is unspeakable whoring inside it. Poor Pedro is sucked into the nightmares (literally) and the illusions that exist inside it. It preys on his hormones and his budget and he begins to see things that aren’t there and he begins to think that his missing maybe son is trapped somewhere inside the Apartment. He sees his maybe son and he sees his dead career. Are they really there or is he going mad? His neighbor is Ron (Weed Dealer) who is very nosey and Pedro tries to get rid of him (right after he buys an ounce from him to cope with life). He tries to write a novel about his experiences in comedy, but finds that the Whore spirit’s breast is distracting him. Pedro hears a moan from his bedroom and when he goes to investigate it.

He is attacked by some lil kim looking spirit. It would’ve been sexy if it was circa 1995 lil kim looking, but it was updated lil kim looking (Dominican transvestite resemblance) He still gears himself up to catch the monster on camera giving ghost throat to him but there is nothing to see. He is driven sexually frustrated by the Apartment and he tries to hold onto his sanity and he is plagued with thoughts of his dead career and his maybe son.

He feels as if the Apartment is trying to give him blueballs and destroy his chance of standup. He fights back against the Apartment and he tries to find his son. He is thwarted by the Apartment, but he uses all of his strength to overcome his fears to stand against the evil stuck up prostitutes in the Apartment.

Colgate Smile

I recently got into an argument with my significant other. She was cheating on me with my aunt’s German shepherd skittles. To this day every time I walk in the store and see that candy I get put into such a rage I could kick a newborn in the temple, but I’m not tripping. She told me she cheated on me with Skittles because she couldn’t trust me. She went in my phone and saw pics of tit-ol- bities and ass.

I was trying to explain that the pics of chicks came with my phone and that pic of me on top of two midgets long stroking with a cowboy hat and holster of whip cream screaming yeeeeee haaawwwww was my default picture that came with my phone plan. She had the nerve not to believe me. Where’s the trust baby girl? Where’s the trust? I loved her unconditionally I even got her a customized size 32 fitted to cover up her forehead when she was embarrassed to wear turtle necks this winter because when she spin in the club people thought she was a globe.

Even though her weave piece in the front was in the shape of Florida I didn’t trip. How did we get to this? She had her pillow case and Victoria secret’s bag packed and was about to leave. I had to think fast. Thank God it was raining outside!!!! Maybe I can sing myself back to her heart. I quickly ripped my clothes off, ran to the Kitchen and put bacon grease on my body. I slid back to the room and hit the lamp switch with my dick. I started out oh oh oh oh ohhhhhh yeah baby pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeeee dooonnn’ttttt goooooo hooooooeeeeee!!!!

She cursed me out. It was quite obvious she wasn’t in the room for romance!!!! I finally asked what Skittles see in her. She mumbled my smile. That when we both stared at each other. We both realized she forgot to put her top row of teeth in. I smiled and said, L “Ha Ha!!!! I got your bald mouth ass now bitch!!!!” She had left her teeth in the bathroom swimming. I dashed in the bathroom and locked the door.

She was banging and screaming, “Let me in!!!!!” I grabbed the glass of teeth and empty the water and filled it back up with Clorox, mouthwash and some of Pedro’s special brew (my piss). I finally open the door and told her I was sorry and we are both adults. I also said we are not animals and I can make her stay if she wants to leave. I will always be there for her. She snatched her teeth and put them in. So now I’m single and her funeral will be weds May 28th. I heard she died from Clorox intake. I think skittles did her in. So boys and girls if you sleep with dogs you will be fucked up and Clorox is better than Colgate.